Son refuses to pull Mom out of assisted living so he can afford helping in-laws with financial situation: ‘They want me to move my mom into our house to save costs’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 21, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

How far should you go in order to help people who can definitely help themselves?

We all know that one day we will switch roles with our parents and become the ones supporting them, and we all dread that day. No one wants to reach the point of being forced to admit that their parents are too old to take care of themselves and require their help, just like you needed theirs when you were just a child. But the older people get, the more they need support, and what is family for if not to give back to the people who raised you and supported you for decades?

However, there is a big difference between helping someone who must be helped and helping someone who refuses to get better on their own, and the story below perfectly describes this exact difference.

This son has a big family, full of people who need his help. First, there's his mom, who currently resides in memory care due to her declining health. Then, there's his wife and her parents, who are in a dire financial situation that might lead to their eviction from their home. Both his mom and his in-laws are in need of the son's help. While the son pays for Mom's memory care, the in-laws are also requesting financial help to get them out of the situation they found themselves in.

The problem is, there is only so much help the son can afford, and what his in-laws are currently demanding is beyond his financial reach. He simply can't afford to pay for both his mom's assisted living and his in-laws' housing expenses. 

The situation reached a boiling point when the in-laws demanded that the son take his mom out of the memory care and have her move out to his house instead, so that he can afford to help them. He simply couldn't believe what they were asking him to do, especially since they are the only ones responsible for the messy financial situation they have found themselves in.

When he refused to follow through with their demands, his wife stepped in…

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  • A senior woman sitting on a wheelchair with a nurse behind her back
    via Getty Images

    A senior woman sitting on a wheelchair with a nurse behind her back

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses.

    My in laws are in dire financial straits, they are currently in eviction proceedings. They were trying to get some form of voucher or subsidy but that is a lengthy process and not exactly a guarantee. Was trying to help
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  • them find a new place, but on their budget, fact they are currently under eviction proceeding for non payment, and with their credit the options are extremely limited.
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  • My wife temporarily wants us to become guarantors, and pivot into buying them a house and we cover the housing expenses. The idea is kind, but I ran the numbers with my mom's
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  • memory care cost I cannot offer much in terms of financial assistance, and I don't trust them to become a guarantor because they are already facing consequences for non payment.
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  • My wife and in-laws feel I am being unfair and treating my mother differently. Which in a way I am because my mom cannot do anything to better her situation, her parents 100%
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  • can. Granted, I do not think it is fair to expect people in their late 60's to keep working, but unless I take my mother out of memory care I cannot swing an additional costs.
    via Express_Cupcake6066
  • Even if my wife stops all her contributions she would not be able to cover the costs on her own. So at the moment I have her and my in-laws pretty much telling me I should take my
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  • mother out of her current memory care, and help split the costs. They even offered to watch my mom. That seems like a horrible idea to have her parents watch my mom, and that would also require us to move her into our place.
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  • We in theory accommodate one adult, but two would become unconformable. So overall my wife and her parents want me to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover their expenses.
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  • Man standing beside white curtain, looking out the window
    via Dylan Ferreira

    Man standing beside white curtain, looking out the window.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • PlanMagnet38 In no world would I ever take someone out of high quality memory care. NTA.
    via PlanMagnet38
  • HalfAwakeHuman- NTA. You're not choosing between your mom and her parents you're choosing between a necessary medical expense and a financial risk. Memory care isn't optional, and becoming a guarantor for people already facing eviction is a huge risk. It's not unfair, it's just reality.
    via HalfAwakeHuman-
  • Strategy Double4177 Big red flag, that your in-laws are involving themselves in a decision that is NOT theirs to make! Thats some entitled behaviour right there... Your mom wouldn't be safe without the care she currently has, and she didn't choose to experience memory loss (etc). Your in-laws made certain
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  • choices, and now they think they are entitled to tell you to put your mom's safety at risk?! Plus, they couldn't manage to pay their own rent; who do you think will suffer if they don't pay housing costs after you're added as a guarantor? Which, again, could put your mom's care at risk.
    via StrategyDouble4177
  • I get that it "seems" unequal: THIS ISN'T ABOUT EQUALITY, ITS ABOUT EQUITY. Your mom needs more support from you than two functioning adults (who are acting like jus)
    via StrategyDouble4177
  • New-Comment2668 NTA. Your mom is not able to take care of herself. Your wife's parents absolutely are able to take care of themselves, but they have chosen not too. If you pull your mom from her current facility it is going to be extremely stressful for her and you also. Your wife and her parents are going to have to come up with a different solution.
    via New-Comment2668
  • StevenAndLindaStotch NTA. Your mom is in MEMORY CARE. Your wife and her parents must understand what that entails. Maybe a family field trip is in order.
    via StevenAndLindaStotch
  • Kami_Sang NTA - your ILs are not more important than your Mom. Your wife can figure out her parents and ypu deal with your Mom. They are selfish, putting their housing needs over your Mom's medical needs and what you need to hear loud and clear is that your wife is also being selfish.
    via Kami_Sang
  • Dry-Clock-1470 I'm confused. Does your wife work? Do her parents? They went you to buy them a whole house for them to live in? And they, the ones being evicted now( for non payment?), would help but not cover all of the house? And they want you to take your mom out of memory care facility and either house her with you or them to pay for it?
    via Dry-Clock-1470
  • Do any of them work in the memory care field? HI even medical field? They can't? Or won't move in to something affordable on their own budget? Is this something the three of them cooked up at jealousy or greed?
    via Dry-Clock-1470
  • Express_Cupcake6066 OP My wife works but does not earn much. Our parents were different, hers told her to follow her dreams no matter what. Mine told me get a career that allows me to make my dreams come true.
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  • In short wife has a job she loves but pays like cr p, I have one I hate but allows me to make other dreams come true. Idk if it is jealousy or greed but more so just the villager mindset.
    via Express_Cupcake6066

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family drama marriage kids mother assisted living parenting in laws family financial support money parents children Father
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